Hexepta: Oriental Express Hack
by SpiritofAttorney
Summary: Argus Hakan ends up in the oriental express, and there is a murder! He may not be able to solve it alone, but he will get help from legendary investigator Hercule Poirot! Can he do it! NOTE: Does not contain spoilers for anything at all


Out of boredom, Argus Hakan was trying to hack together a quick invention.

"Ugh this is boring," said Argus, "I'll need to invent something super cool to impress Karen Foster!"

He thought and thought, until a lot of time had passed.

"(Damn!)" thought Argus, "(If only there was a way to get back this time...!)".

Then, all of a sudden, he had a brilliant idea, truly fitting of a genius like him.

"I know!" he exclaimed, "I shall invent a time machine!"

He searched up on the internet about time travel, and watched a funny cartoon where there is stuff about theoretical physics to help him further, and it wasn't long before he had a working prototype.

"GrrrrRRR!" he exclaimed as ALL OF A SUDDEN the time machine started up all by itself and he went shooting back in time to the days of Hercule Poirot.

"You see, mon copain, that is why it could only have been le vous-" began Hercule Poirot, Ace Private Investigator, but then all of a sudden a portal from Argus' time machine appeared under the train he was on and made snow go everywhere.

"Mon dieu!" exclaimed Poirot, "We are stuck!"

But, unfortunately, due to the sudden attack of the snow, a pipe burst, spreading nauseating gases throughout the train! Everyone fell unconscious!

When he woke up, Argus found that most people were still asleep, besides Poirot. He noticed the silly expressions on some people's faces.

"LOL," Argus said, "That fat person looks so stupid the way he is lying. And so does that silly looking shop, and that weird guy lying in a pool of blood and-"

"Arrêtez!" exclaimed Poirot, sharply, "That is not just a man sleeping- that is a man who is now deceased!"

"W-WWWUUUUUUUT?!" screamed Argus.

A few minutes passed, and Argus was able to calm down.

"Alright," thought Argus, "Time to work out who it was that killed him!"

He reached into his pocket, and took out his hacking device, then went to hack into the suspect's mobile devices to look for clews but then he was struck by a terrible truth. None of the people in this time had mobile phones!

"Welp, guess I'll let Hercule do the investigating this time. You can do this, Poirot, I believe in you!" encouraged Argus.

"Merci, friend!" said Poirot.

While Poirot looked for clews, Argus interviewed the only other suspect: the fat man.

"Hello" said the fat man, "My name is fat man".

"Did you kill this dead person?" asked Argus.

"No, I certainly did NOT do that!" asserted Fat Man.

Some time passed, and Poirot returned to Argus with a troubled look on his face.

"It is bad, mon friend," said Poirot, "Throughout my whole investigation, I found not a single clew anywhere!"

"Hmmmm" pondered Argus. "I think I know who the culprit may be!" he then exclaimed.

"Quelle Nani?!" exclaimed Poirot, "Who is the culprit, friend?"

"The culprit - is, OBJECTION, you!" indicted Argus.

"NNNNN" shouted Poirot, upon being accused, "Surely you are mistaken friend?"

"No!" said Argus, "I shall fight for the truth! You are the only one who could have done it. When I woke up, you were the only one awake, and also the other suspect, Fat Man, has confessed that he had nothing to do with the crime. By process of elimination, I can deduce that YOU are the only one who could have comitted the vile crime!"

"My friend, I fear you are mistaken" stated Poirot, "What about the lack of clews?"

"That, Poirot, is because you got rid of all the evidence when you investigated!" shouted Argus, "And that is the final nail in the coffin! Are you ready to confess, Poirot?"

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" exclaimed Poirot, but then he locked himself in jail.

-90 YEARS LATER-

Argus, whose time machine had broke, was finally back into his own time, but he was now very old. He was sitting in a rocking chair reading a newspaper like old people do, when he saw an article:

"EVIL MURDERER DIES IN PRISON",

it said, and went on to tell of the demise of Hercule Poirot.

"Oh no!" shouted Argus, slowly. "Now we may never know what the motive was! Is there anyone alive who could even know such a thing now?! Has the truth been lost for all eternity?!"

But, in fact, there was a man who knew exactly what the motive was.

"Ha, ha, ha!" cackled Fat Man, sitting in his evil headquarter chair. "I shall destroy my knowledge for all eternity, and nobody will EVER know!" and then he shot himself.

But alas, as with any story at all relating to Poirot or any other friend of Agatha Christie, it turned out that the suspect was not in fact guilty! Poirot didn't do it, it was in fact a suicide! But why? Well, the world will never know! The End!


End file.
